3:41pm - Today has been good so far. Sorry if I raised my voice at anyone today. I'm just frustrated and especially dislike it when people ignore me while I'm trying to talk to them. (which has been happening more often lately) Riding the bus actually isn't too bad in the afternoon. I get in my nap, a little fresh air (walking home haha). I already got me some food...rice with salmon dynamite and caprisun. No NCIS up yet =[ So I guess it's work time. Oh! nvm, I'm getting some ice cream first =] Again, as always, I hope that I can get through this. Order of importance for tonight...a thing or two on the Nexus site then ALL of MATH then some of HISTORY then a lot of ENGLISH then some of BIOLOGY. I have...4 tests tomorrow! gah! English, Math, Chemistry, and Spanish =\ 10:51pm - I love how I can go through the day without feeling like such a failure, and that right before I go to sleep, almost every night, it dawns on me how deep of a hole I'm in. I dislike this A LOT. but I don't know what to do about it anymore. I tried...and failed. So maybe I shouldn't try and let time run its course? No, I can't do that. I want to keep trying. But what do I do? This isn't like me....not like me at all. The only thing I've been good at, it seems, is pushing people away. And I don't know if it's just me...but does it seem like...as I get worse, the people around me...get better? Is this my sacrifice? Is this what I have to go through to see the people I care about be happy? If so, let me know so that I can suck it up and let them enjoy their happiness.
Picture for today: Mommy cleaning some salmon.
Secret for today: Sometimes, mostly as I lay falling asleep, I wish I could just disappear.
that is not your sacrifice, believe me. i feel the same way. just dont give up. keep going. we are all here for you. and we are not getting better because you think you're getting worse. it only seems like that. it seems like that to me too. but its not true. we all want you to get better. this hole you're in is just temporary, until you find the ladder out. im still searching for my ladder out too. hopefully we can find the ladder out of this hole soon. we are all here for you.
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