Picture for today: Finalist Board!
Day 90, April 30
Picture for today: Finalist Board!
Day 89, April 29
Picture for today: Frank and Chantel
Day 88, April 28
Picture for today: Jumping jacks
Day 87, April 27
Day 86, April 26
Picture for today: Playing poker!
Day 85, April 25
Picture for today: Group of dolphins swimming, I love how they're so carefree.
Day 84, April 24
*yay!* It's the weekend! Kyle picked me up from school today. School..was quite a productive one. Lots of uploads and teachers are finally catching on to the whole Nexus deal. =] (Especially since we're on a paper shortage, which is totally ridiculous. I understand ink, but paper? really?) Lunch/Reading time was interesting. I changed into my TSA uniform so that Rachael could take my picture for V's promo graphics. Let's just say I got some weird stares and I'm now a foreign exchange student haha. Anyways, Kyle picked me up and we went to McD then to TCHS to see Mr.N. He signed my CAS things. Then, it was off to V's house! =] I'm still currently there and we're working on his Film here and there. I totally hope he gets it done in time for States. It's going to be an AMAZING vid. I can tell u that ;D. Picture for today: Me in my TSA uniform
Day 83, April 23
Picture for Today: Danny and Frank. Ahh so carefree.
Day 82, April 22
Oh, and sorry for the jumping around and random thoughts. I've been really out of it lately. (If you haven't noticed already)
Picture for today: "Virak" *ahem* (Kyle) ;D
Day 81, April 21
Picture for today: Dolphin at Sea World =]
Day 80, April 20
10:58pm - So, in the end, I didn't do too much homework today. In reality, I guess I did none, again. I printed out my history notes and scanned some poems, so that I can return the book. I somehow put myself into a new mindset today, and I hope it continues. It's safe to say that I'm quite content with the way things are. Oh, and it only took me 15mins to shower! haha. Washing my hair is insanely easy now. Anyways, my plan for the night is to..post this picture then do my math homework for once. I'm like a chapter and a half behind on hw...half of it isn't even this nine weeks. but i'll do it anyways and see what she does when i turn it in lol. same with bio. Oh, I talked to Alex today! =] He's so lucky...work load wise, but at the same time I feel bad for him. With her being so far away and just kinda lonely at school. I'm sure that'll change soon though haha. Hopefully we can get together on Friday =]
Picture for today: Allan at the beach. =D
April 19 -- part II
I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't accomplish anything worth while during Spring Break. It was the perfect opportunity to get caught up and what did I do? nothing. Part of me thinks I should just drop out, but I know I can't. Where would I go? What would I do? The program fits me, I'm just not being me.
You say that you'll always be there for me and that I should call you whenever I needed you no matter the hour. You said you'd even find some way to find me if you needed to. You said I was perfect. Oh, and the weirdest thing happened...my fan light just turned on. On its own. Freakyyy! Anyways, you also say that everything will be okay, that I'll be fine. How do u know? And what if I decide to take you up on your offer? Will you really be there? From what I can tell, those are just words. Never once have you really put it into action. And it's disappointing. Especially when I really need you. I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm clingy and taking things for granted. I just really want you to be here for me. Especially right now. Things aren't going so well. And well, you cheer me up. You keep me sane. Or at least I think you do. Perhaps it is all just a mind game. A wicked wicked mind game. I don't know. Just don't leave me. And keep your promises. Because if you're gone. I might as well be gone. <-- wow that was a dramatic things to say haha. Don't take this too seriously. I'm just ranting.
--deleting later?--
You say that you'll always be there for me and that I should call you whenever I needed you no matter the hour. You said you'd even find some way to find me if you needed to. You said I was perfect. Oh, and the weirdest thing happened...my fan light just turned on. On its own. Freakyyy! Anyways, you also say that everything will be okay, that I'll be fine. How do u know? And what if I decide to take you up on your offer? Will you really be there? From what I can tell, those are just words. Never once have you really put it into action. And it's disappointing. Especially when I really need you. I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm clingy and taking things for granted. I just really want you to be here for me. Especially right now. Things aren't going so well. And well, you cheer me up. You keep me sane. Or at least I think you do. Perhaps it is all just a mind game. A wicked wicked mind game. I don't know. Just don't leave me. And keep your promises. Because if you're gone. I might as well be gone. <-- wow that was a dramatic things to say haha. Don't take this too seriously. I'm just ranting.
--deleting later?--
Day 79, April 19
7:11pm - wasn't feeling so well earlier. still not feeling so well. really hungry. but more like just want some comfort food. starting to really stress out with what i'm going to do. i know i'm not in the worst situation but i still have a feeling i'll get kicked out or something. idc what u say, but when i get a strong feeling it normally happens. especially when i don't like to talk about it. gah. sdlkfjsl;fjasd.
9:16pm - Just got off the phone with alex. definitely glad i got to talk to him. his cruise was rather interesting to say the least. and his situation does suck, but he'll be fine. =] oh, and he has his first day of school tomorrow! lmao. can't wait to hear how that goes. <-- hopefully well. now it's time for me to sleep because i definitely didn't finish anything important during this break. woohoo.
secret I for today: you have no idea how much i need you right now. it'll definitely suck when reality hits that u'll be gone before i know it.
secret II for today: most of all, i dislike it when i'm left out. forgotten. but of course, i always say everything is okay. and it will be okay, i hope?
picture for today: Eilene at prom! <-- She's going to UF! (had to throw that in there)
Day 78, April 18
10:04pm - Uhm...today was a win and fail. I did start homework, but I did not finish or accomplish enough for it to be satisfactory. Phil came over for a little bit. Went to the mall to check out phones once again. We'll be getting new ones on Tues. My dad wants to buy it from the one guy that helped us the other day, that way the guy would get his cut for selling us the phones. I think I'm going to try my best to do a bunch of homework tonight. I really don't want to be behind still, and yet I haven't done enough to get myself out of this situation. Oh, and Alex is back!!! =] Definitely calling him tomorrow haha. And I definitely want to figure out who he's talking about. (He's definitely lucky for not having to have to do a cardiovascular lab) Aside from that, more homework perhaps?
Picture for today: Silly snapshot of Alex.
Day 77, April 17
Oh and I forgot to mention. about my hair..It'll be donated to Locks of Love. It's over a foot long and I grew it out for two yearsish. To think of it, I pretty much haven't cut my hair since I met Phil. Except for once a little after I first met him. And all of those things on that list of things I'll do before I start my project 365 I've accomplished...except for the catching up with grades...So hopefully it's a sign towards yayness?
Picture for today: That's all you get to see for now ;D
Day 76, April 16
Picture for today: From Alex's house.
Day 75, April 15
Picture for today: Alex and Kyle playing basketball.
Day 74, April 14
Picture for today: Penguins!
Day 73, April 13
Picture for today: At the beach =]
Day 72, April 12
Picture for today: Kyle by the stage.
Day 71, April 11
Picture for today: THE yellow tree.
Day 70, April 10
Picture for today: Alex dunking.
Day 69, April 9
Picture for today: Class Day
Day 68, April 8
Picture for today: Phil's Grandpa's Car's Speedometer.
Day 67, April 7
10:51pm - I love how I can go through the day without feeling like such a failure, and that right before I go to sleep, almost every night, it dawns on me how deep of a hole I'm in. I dislike this A LOT. but I don't know what to do about it anymore. I tried...and failed. So maybe I shouldn't try and let time run its course? No, I can't do that. I want to keep trying. But what do I do? This isn't like me....not like me at all. The only thing I've been good at, it seems, is pushing people away. And I don't know if it's just me...but does it seem like...as I get worse, the people around me...get better? Is this my sacrifice? Is this what I have to go through to see the people I care about be happy? If so, let me know so that I can suck it up and let them enjoy their happiness.
Picture for today: Mommy cleaning some salmon.
Secret for today: Sometimes, mostly as I lay falling asleep, I wish I could just disappear.
Day 66, April 6
Picture for today: Me realizing my hair is wayy too long. Oh, and that I need a tan. (and I just want to go to the beach hehe)
Day 65, April 5
Should I just drop IB even though I know it's the best thing I've got right now? I'm just so behind and I hate seeing myself this way. Even if it's me who is inflicting this pain. sl;kdjfas;ldjasl;djf. WHY?!?!?!!
Picture for today: Cake.
Day 64, April 4
Day 63, April 3
Picture for today: Me and Phil before Prom =]
Day 62, April 2
How has it came to this? Why to me? The irony. As I go down, they go up. No one understands. No one really wants to understand. Do they? I wish everything was back to the way it used to be. This whole year has just been horrible. Sure, maybe a few things here and there were good, but overall it was just, blah. Where has the time gone? Where have my friends gone? Where has my life gone? That's just it, it's gone. Gone, gone, gone. Sucked into this world, with me laying here on the sidelines, hoping someone will notice and pull me along with them.
4:47pm - feeling alone and continually reminded of the hole I'm in. Why can't I do this? Where has my motivation gone?
7:03pm - feeling slightly better. feeling like not doing any of this today. pushing it off some more. perhaps until the weekend. i need you. i really do. thankyou.
8:35pm - I'm going to call it a night. I'm so happy for Phil and what he's doing. Can't wait for prom tomorrow. Hopefully it'll take my mind off of all of this. Then the daunting weekend shall come. Until then. g'nite!
Picture for today: Sky =]
Day 61, April 1
3:37pm - I'm sitting here, just finished a bag of popcorn and drinking some sweet tea. Oh, and watching an episode of NCIS. I feel that that's a good transition for me. Today started out icky. I was breathing weird again in Chemistry...and I just really want everything to get better.
9:30pm - Okay, so I really don't care right now. I tried, horribly, but I tried and failed. WLP? HAH! w/e I feel horrible right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to focus on me and get me back to me, but I don't seem to be able to a thing. =[ I just hope I get over this soon...like...SOON! Don't ever leave me. please?
You said you'd always be here and that u'd never leave me and that u'd do anything to help me. where are you now? what haven't u come? why aren't you helping?
Picture for today: Candle at Siam Orchid.
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April
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- Day 90, April 30
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- Day 86, April 26
- Day 85, April 25
- Day 84, April 24
- Day 83, April 23
- Day 82, April 22
- Day 81, April 21
- Day 80, April 20
- April 19 -- part II
- Day 79, April 19
- Day 78, April 18
- Day 77, April 17
- Day 76, April 16
- Day 75, April 15
- Day 74, April 14
- Day 73, April 13
- Day 72, April 12
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