Day 90, April 30

oo Guess what?!?! Chantel, Nick, and I are finalist for Tech Bowl! =D *wooo!* Which means were in the finals on Saturday. And Kyle and Nick are also finalists for Construction Systems! *double wooooo!* Also built a bridge *ahem* roof truss for Structural Engineering. I think we did pretty well if you ask me =] minus Kyle gluing part of his finger to the truss...and leaving skin on there! (ew..lol) Super tireddd. g'nite.

Picture for today: Finalist Board!

Day 89, April 29

I was uber tired at school today. Joe texted me in the middle of math class. I texted him back during Chemistry. Lacey went over packets as usual. Not as many things to upload today but I'm definitely glad that we're being utilized. It helps us feel useful haha. Straight afterschool I finished packing and was on my way to pick up frank, kyle, and chantel. Then it was time for States!! The drive up was pretty chill. We checked in and did our registration and now I'm back in the hotel, blogging and working on last minute projects then going to sleep. Kyle is sitting to my left and has a lamp for a head ;D.

Picture for today: Frank and Chantel

Day 88, April 28

Was supposed to pack straight afterschool. I was uber tired, so I ended up falling asleep. I packed my clothes though! And I'm uber tired right now soo I'm going to make a quick list of what I need for tomorrow. I just finished helping Frank make a DVD for V's film. SLEEP!

Picture for today: Jumping jacks

Day 87, April 27

Had a very productive day at Nexus. Spent the whole two hours and more updating the site. It's actually being used now! haha. But I spent the day working on it. Then went to Kohl's and Pennys to get new tsa clothes. =]

Picture for today: Jenny and Ashley

Day 86, April 26

Woke up at 7 this morning *shocker!!* Then did some math hw and helped EiEi with preparing for Ashley's party. The party went well, took 500pics? lol. Ate, watched the kiddies play games, then played poker =D I lost though. I blame it on my dad. Shouldn't have followed him in betting that one round. He just bets really weird a lot of the time. Oh, and Alfred called when he saw my facebook status. He was like WTF why didn't u tell me u were here?! I felt bad =\ but I'll definitely make it up to him once i get my license and a car. seriously though, i didn't think he'd care. just because i've been so out of touch with them. it definitely brightened my day though knowing that he did =]

Picture for today: Playing poker!

Day 85, April 25

Was supposed to stay home today but ended up going to WPB. Currently still in WPB, staying over at a family friend's house. Starting to do homework now until I fall asleep. Then, waking up earlyish in the morning to continue working on it. There's no way that I can finish all of my homework this weekend, but I'll do at least..something lol. Aside from that, not much went on today. Went to the Gardens Mall and had some salad from Salad Sensations haha. My favoriteeee place =]

Picture for today: Group of dolphins swimming, I love how they're so carefree.

Day 84, April 24

*yay!* It's the weekend! Kyle picked me up from school today. School..was quite a productive one. Lots of uploads and teachers are finally catching on to the whole Nexus deal. =] (Especially since we're on a paper shortage, which is totally ridiculous. I understand ink, but paper? really?) Lunch/Reading time was interesting. I changed into my TSA uniform so that Rachael could take my picture for V's promo graphics. Let's just say I got some weird stares and I'm now a foreign exchange student haha. Anyways, Kyle picked me up and we went to McD then to TCHS to see Mr.N. He signed my CAS things. Then, it was off to V's house! =] I'm still currently there and we're working on his Film here and there. I totally hope he gets it done in time for States. It's going to be an AMAZING vid. I can tell u that ;D.

Picture for today: Me in my TSA uniform

Day 83, April 23

Went to V's house straight afterschool, so that I could have a ride to TSA. We might as well have set the time for the meeting at the usual 6 because that's when we started anyways. We were done by seven. Discussed states. Everything seems to be going fine. I just finished watching Dognapped lmao. It was stupid. Well, it's one of those Disney movies that come out every couple of months. What more is there to say lol. Going to sleep now. Busy busy days ahead.

Picture for Today: Danny and Frank. Ahh so carefree.

Day 82, April 22

I am so exhausted. Especially with everything that is going on. I can't believe states is less than one week away! OMGOMGOMG! Spent an hour or so at the mall today. Dad didn't want his xenon any more and somehow accidentally paid the guy an extra 100 yesterday. Luckily, the guy was honest. It was cash, he totally could've gotten away with taking it. My dad didn't even know until the guy asked if he was missing 100. So my dad got a sony today and only had to pay like a dollar. rofl. With the phone swap and everything and w/e, AT&T actually ended up owing him money haha. So he got a bunch of accessories...and in addition to that it was half off because that's one of the perks of being a mail man =] I worked on my CAS book a little today. Luckily I got a bunch of my hours during the first half of the year. I added maybe...30ish hours since last CAS check. I still have a lot of things to do for school, but I'm not so stressed about it anymore. I write down everything that I need to do everyday and I sleep more often in class xD I've just been so tired, and really want to stay home. But I'm pushing really hard to go to school. Especially since my daddy got me a new phone and I'm going to states next week anyways. We also got our report cards today. I unfortunately ended up with a 2.7 Which is horrrrible in my opinion. Like I know it's really not that bad. but for me. that's like =[[. Two of those grades might potentially change but idk. Oh, and I might actually get an A in Gray's this 9 weeks! hehe. At this point, forget about english =\ I don't even know what I'm going to do. Perhaps a B? Web, Math, Chem, Bio, and Spanish should be perfectly fine though. Well...they better be xD

Oh, and sorry for the jumping around and random thoughts. I've been really out of it lately. (If you haven't noticed already)

Picture for today: "Virak" *ahem* (Kyle) ;D

Day 81, April 21

Meh I hate when I forget a day lately because I'm forgetting everything. Uhm, I got a new phone! =D with an unlimited messaging and data plan! Oh, and it's the LG Xenon. Erm...I can't really think of what else happened. In fact, I was just IMing someone and forgot what I was talking about. Anyways, (see what I'm taking about?) I didn't do much homework as usual butttt I'm like my somewhat new/changed state of mind.

Picture for today: Dolphin at Sea World =]

Day 80, April 20

7:18pm - School wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was really long though. But none of my teachers bugged me about my work. I'll eventually turn it in. Even if it's last nine weeks late lol. It'll all get in. I hope. Beta club is kinda a joke but I'm glad I'm in it. Since...my GPA definitely doesn't fit the criteria any more. xP Nexus was good, I suppose. We'll just work on the site as teachers request things. Cuz doing a bunch of stuff at this point would be pointless. I'm about to start some homework. Then call Alex, then do more homework or sleep. I'm definitely going to try to not stress myself over these things anymore. Just take things one step at a time, no matter how long it takes. Well...not too long. lol. But definitely not going to lose sleep and become sick again.
10:58pm - So, in the end, I didn't do too much homework today. In reality, I guess I did none, again. I printed out my history notes and scanned some poems, so that I can return the book. I somehow put myself into a new mindset today, and I hope it continues. It's safe to say that I'm quite content with the way things are. Oh, and it only took me 15mins to shower! haha. Washing my hair is insanely easy now. Anyways, my plan for the night is to..post this picture then do my math homework for once. I'm like a chapter and a half behind on hw...half of it isn't even this nine weeks. but i'll do it anyways and see what she does when i turn it in lol. same with bio. Oh, I talked to Alex today! =] He's so lucky...work load wise, but at the same time I feel bad for him. With her being so far away and just kinda lonely at school. I'm sure that'll change soon though haha. Hopefully we can get together on Friday =]

Picture for today: Allan at the beach. =D

April 19 -- part II

I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't accomplish anything worth while during Spring Break. It was the perfect opportunity to get caught up and what did I do? nothing. Part of me thinks I should just drop out, but I know I can't. Where would I go? What would I do? The program fits me, I'm just not being me.

You say that you'll always be there for me and that I should call you whenever I needed you no matter the hour. You said you'd even find some way to find me if you needed to. You said I was perfect. Oh, and the weirdest thing happened...my fan light just turned on. On its own. Freakyyy! Anyways, you also say that everything will be okay, that I'll be fine. How do u know? And what if I decide to take you up on your offer? Will you really be there? From what I can tell, those are just words. Never once have you really put it into action. And it's disappointing. Especially when I really need you. I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm clingy and taking things for granted. I just really want you to be here for me. Especially right now. Things aren't going so well. And well, you cheer me up. You keep me sane. Or at least I think you do. Perhaps it is all just a mind game. A wicked wicked mind game. I don't know. Just don't leave me. And keep your promises. Because if you're gone. I might as well be gone. <-- wow that was a dramatic things to say haha. Don't take this too seriously. I'm just ranting.

--deleting later?--

Day 79, April 19

10:05am - Let's try this again. History, Math, Biology, English. Maybe throw in a little Nexus.
7:11pm - wasn't feeling so well earlier. still not feeling so well. really hungry. but more like just want some comfort food. starting to really stress out with what i'm going to do. i know i'm not in the worst situation but i still have a feeling i'll get kicked out or something. idc what u say, but when i get a strong feeling it normally happens. especially when i don't like to talk about it. gah. sdlkfjsl;fjasd.
9:16pm - Just got off the phone with alex. definitely glad i got to talk to him. his cruise was rather interesting to say the least. and his situation does suck, but he'll be fine. =] oh, and he has his first day of school tomorrow! lmao. can't wait to hear how that goes. <-- hopefully well. now it's time for me to sleep because i definitely didn't finish anything important during this break. woohoo.


secret I for today: you have no idea how much i need you right now. it'll definitely suck when reality hits that u'll be gone before i know it.
secret II for today: most of all, i dislike it when i'm left out. forgotten. but of course, i always say everything is okay. and it will be okay, i hope?

picture for today: Eilene at prom! <-- She's going to UF! (had to throw that in there)

Day 78, April 18

3:19pm - Starting homework...now!
10:04pm - Uhm...today was a win and fail. I did start homework, but I did not finish or accomplish enough for it to be satisfactory. Phil came over for a little bit. Went to the mall to check out phones once again. We'll be getting new ones on Tues. My dad wants to buy it from the one guy that helped us the other day, that way the guy would get his cut for selling us the phones. I think I'm going to try my best to do a bunch of homework tonight. I really don't want to be behind still, and yet I haven't done enough to get myself out of this situation. Oh, and Alex is back!!! =] Definitely calling him tomorrow haha. And I definitely want to figure out who he's talking about. (He's definitely lucky for not having to have to do a cardiovascular lab) Aside from that, more homework perhaps?

Picture for today: Silly snapshot of Alex.

Day 77, April 17

I got my long awaited hair cut today! It's a little shorter than I wanted but whatever. xD Today, I procrastinated yet again. I don't know what's up with me but whatever. I'm going too supposedly cram for the next two days. Work that was to take me all week to accomplished. I let myself get into this situation yet again. Maybe this time I can get myself out of it? HAH! We'll see though. I need to stop slacking. Oh, and I don't want Monday to come! 1. I won't have my work done. No matter how much I want it to. 2. Alex won't be there anymore! =[

Oh and I forgot to mention. about my hair..It'll be donated to Locks of Love. It's over a foot long and I grew it out for two yearsish. To think of it, I pretty much haven't cut my hair since I met Phil. Except for once a little after I first met him. And all of those things on that list of things I'll do before I start my project 365 I've accomplished...except for the catching up with grades...So hopefully it's a sign towards yayness?

Picture for today: That's all you get to see for now ;D

Day 76, April 16

Ordered pizza and continued Cardiovascular Lab testing. Ordered more pizza and continued more testing. Finished testing. Went to the mall to look for a new phone. I'm really liking the Samsung Impression.(<--link) Watched bits and pieces of Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2. The best part was when she went to the bar to look for the guy who makes swords. Anyways, super tired. Time for bed. Glad to be caught up with my 365! =] The next few days will definitely be long and filled with homework. I can't believe how fast this break has gone. I don't know if I'll be able to finish this.

Picture for today: From Alex's house.

Day 75, April 15

Sorry I haven't been working on pictures. Just distracted and time is passing by way too quickly. I baked 2 batches of cupcakes this morning. Then off to Frank's house to work on my cardiovascular lab. Didn't finish it...got about half done. I'm uber tired. I'll finish the rest tomorrow.

Picture for today: Alex and Kyle playing basketball.

Day 74, April 14

Just got home from Sea World. It was a failed vacation day. I keep thinking that I'm forgetting something. This is sad. I'm getting my days confused and I'm forgetting like everything. I can't even remember what I did the past two days. Good thing I have these blog posts eh? (Though I haven't said much..) Again, today was just a fail. The hotel last night was meh. We left Sea World around 4 because that wind and rain was just not going to pass. We were tired and it was cold and rainy and cold and rainy and windy and cold and rainy and cold. and owww. At the moment, I'm just really frustrated and gahhh but it'll go away once spring break comes. oh wait, it is spring break!!! >.< A few rather interesting things happened today. I realized she really is that annoying and has a bad attitude. One that I can't stand. My mom got a blood pressure thing from my grandpa's house. coolest thing is....it's digital!!! =] (i've been sitting here playing with it haha) Since it was rainy, we went to the underwater viewing area for the dolphins. It was cool. They were really playful today. (I now know the tricks for playing with the dolphin through the glass ROFL) Oh, and there were two dolphins mating lol. with a few others swimming around...using the bathroom XD! Oooh and I watched part of Good Luck Chuck before I went to sleep yesterday. I totally want to watch the whole movie now. Oh, and I finally got a chance to sort though the class day pics and the ones from alex's house...now I have to go through them again more thoroughly. Also have to do the pics from the beach and today.

Picture for today: Penguins!

Day 73, April 13

Went to the beach in the morning/almost afternoon type. Pictures coming eventually. Things are just really hectic right now. The beach was a nice change of pace though. Went to subways after. Then home to shower and watch tv and sleep. Went to publix to get some things for tomorrow. (Sea World Tomorrow!!! =D) xP Sea World is like one of my favorites just because of the animals. Though...the Shamu "believe" show is stupid. It's not an exciting theme park...but I like that it's not uber hectic. Anyways, until tomorrow. =]

Picture for today: At the beach =]

Day 72, April 12

Being Easter, there's normally some sort of Easter Day plans. Today, there wasn't. Not even church? Grandma didn't even ask. lol. Was planning to do things, homework type things. Didn't do anything. Wanted to go to the movies or beach or something with the family. Didn't do anything. I slept all day, pretty much.

Picture for today: Kyle by the stage.

Day 71, April 11

Went to watch Fast and Furious today. Then had subways and hung out at the house with phil. today was pretty great =] oh and I'm on Jason's good side!! haha I gave him a little light up mickey mouse thing to play with ;D Going to sort through pictures, work on history, math, english tommorrow.

Picture for today: THE yellow tree.

Day 70, April 10

We got a new car! =] A Honda Odyssey. No more leasing! Aside from that, today, I got the 'new' nexus site up to date. to the point where it's definitely ready for upload when we get back from break. Then I played mahjong at Frank's house. It was okay. could've been better but w/e. Then went to WPB to get the car. And now i'm home talking to phil. =]

Picture for today: Alex dunking.

Day 69, April 9

Ahh how could I almost forget to post something today! Today was pretty great. =] Juniors pwnd at Class Day. No, the Seniors are not always supposed to win. Although, throughout the years...they have the tendency of winning...(maybe because they're stronger) lol..anyways...we beat them by like 20 points. =] And since we won this year...that means...we'll probably win next year too. (according to the trend of the Class Day plaque) After school, We went to Alex's house to hang out for a few hours. Played some basketball. Then, said our goodbyes. I'm gonna miss him!!! Even though he's only switching schools..It's just not going to be the same without him. =[ But...since he's going to PSLH he could just walk to my house haha =D (except...he'd have to wait like another half hour before I got home xD)

Picture for today: Class Day

Day 68, April 8

School was fine. Everything was just fine. TSA was pretty enjoyable, minus the thought of not being able to make it. We're still about a thousand short. Tomorrow is Class Day! I'm going to be one of the photographers! <-- an excuse to bring my camera! =D Not much else for the moment. Sleep sounds good.

Picture for today: Phil's Grandpa's Car's Speedometer.

Day 67, April 7

3:41pm - Today has been good so far. Sorry if I raised my voice at anyone today. I'm just frustrated and especially dislike it when people ignore me while I'm trying to talk to them. (which has been happening more often lately) Riding the bus actually isn't too bad in the afternoon. I get in my nap, a little fresh air (walking home haha). I already got me some food...rice with salmon dynamite and caprisun. No NCIS up yet =[ So I guess it's work time. Oh! nvm, I'm getting some ice cream first =] Again, as always, I hope that I can get through this. Order of importance for tonight...a thing or two on the Nexus site then ALL of MATH then some of HISTORY then a lot of ENGLISH then some of BIOLOGY. I have...4 tests tomorrow! gah! English, Math, Chemistry, and Spanish =\
10:51pm - I love how I can go through the day without feeling like such a failure, and that right before I go to sleep, almost every night, it dawns on me how deep of a hole I'm in. I dislike this A LOT. but I don't know what to do about it anymore. I tried...and failed. So maybe I shouldn't try and let time run its course? No, I can't do that. I want to keep trying. But what do I do? This isn't like me....not like me at all. The only thing I've been good at, it seems, is pushing people away. And I don't know if it's just me...but does it seem like...as I get worse, the people around me...get better? Is this my sacrifice? Is this what I have to go through to see the people I care about be happy? If so, let me know so that I can suck it up and let them enjoy their happiness.

Picture for today: Mommy cleaning some salmon.
Secret for today: Sometimes, mostly as I lay falling asleep, I wish I could just disappear.

Day 66, April 6

First off, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! =] Second, today was just tiring. Things here and there annoyed me, especially this one thing, but I won't go there. Aside from that, it was the little unintentional things that had nothing to do with me that bothered me. If that makes any sense? People being too loud, for example. Uhm, I don't know what I want to do anymore. I know that before I go to sleep I WILL do my math homework. And this uppity mood is brought to you by!....a nice hot shower! *woooo!* lol. Anyways, that's my goal for tonight. Feel free to distract me here and there ;D. Oh, and I want to cut my hair. I haven't cut it in so long, I think it's about time. Suggestions?

Picture for today: Me realizing my hair is wayy too long. Oh, and that I need a tan. (and I just want to go to the beach hehe)

Day 65, April 5

Today was another lazy day. It shouldn't have been, but it was. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Meh. I made this really cool egg within toast thing for brunch. look! I should've taken pics of it..oh well. next time =] Then an hour or so later, I was feeling pretty tired so I went back to sleep =\ Then woke up to go to a party for my lil cousin, older cousin, and my grandpa. My mommy made a funny cake. Funny in the sense that she put mahjong tiles on top lol.
Should I just drop IB even though I know it's the best thing I've got right now? I'm just so behind and I hate seeing myself this way. Even if it's me who is inflicting this pain. sl;kdjfas;ldjasl;djf. WHY?!?!?!!

Picture for today: Cake.

Day 64, April 4

Today was a very enjoyable chill day. I continually felt hungry though =\ but I finally satisfied my hunger with an oven baked pizza from Dominos haha. I'm supposed to be doing hw today but =P Oh, and go comment my pics on facebook! =D

Picture for today: Me in April! (Getting ready for Prom =])

Day 63, April 3

I must say prom was pretty great. =] OhMyGod Meaty Cheese! rofl. Didn't care for dancing but had fun nonetheless. Pictures to come ASAP! (meaning tomorrow sometime) Today overall was a pretty chill day. I tried to be as up and up as I could. For mine and Phil's sake haha. But he was the one being a poopyhead. lol Oh and I love how when I finally give Alex his jacket back, I get cold xD. Ahh it was a good night. annd it's now time for good night =]

Picture for today: Me and Phil before Prom =]

Day 62, April 2

I threw it away. Just like that. My goal. My wish. Gone. How? Me. I just let it pass right by. Didn't even blink an eye. It's not like they wanted me to do it anyways. The thing I've been hoping for for years. Gone. Just like that. Happy? No. Relieved? No. Sad? Yes. Regretful? eh..yea that too. I really wish I could wake up any second now, having this year be all a dream. These words erased. This school year anew.
How has it came to this? Why to me? The irony. As I go down, they go up. No one understands. No one really wants to understand. Do they? I wish everything was back to the way it used to be. This whole year has just been horrible. Sure, maybe a few things here and there were good, but overall it was just, blah. Where has the time gone? Where have my friends gone? Where has my life gone? That's just it, it's gone. Gone, gone, gone. Sucked into this world, with me laying here on the sidelines, hoping someone will notice and pull me along with them.
4:47pm - feeling alone and continually reminded of the hole I'm in. Why can't I do this? Where has my motivation gone?
7:03pm - feeling slightly better. feeling like not doing any of this today. pushing it off some more. perhaps until the weekend. i need you. i really do. thankyou.
8:35pm - I'm going to call it a night. I'm so happy for Phil and what he's doing. Can't wait for prom tomorrow. Hopefully it'll take my mind off of all of this. Then the daunting weekend shall come. Until then. g'nite!

Picture for today: Sky =]

Day 61, April 1

Happy April Fools Day!!

3:37pm - I'm sitting here, just finished a bag of popcorn and drinking some sweet tea. Oh, and watching an episode of NCIS. I feel that that's a good transition for me. Today started out icky. I was breathing weird again in Chemistry...and I just really want everything to get better.
9:30pm - Okay, so I really don't care right now. I tried, horribly, but I tried and failed. WLP? HAH! w/e I feel horrible right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to focus on me and get me back to me, but I don't seem to be able to a thing. =[ I just hope I get over this soon...like...SOON! Don't ever leave me. please?

You said you'd always be here and that u'd never leave me and that u'd do anything to help me. where are you now? what haven't u come? why aren't you helping?

Picture for today: Candle at Siam Orchid.

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