So I woke up feeling great and had a feeling that today would be awesome. I started out with a shower, and everything just seemed perfect, until after watching Gilmore Girls. Everyone had left, and I just thought for a moment, and everything just seemed to take a turn. I was angry or upset, just unsure of things. I just couldn't stop wondering Why? and How? -- Today, I thought about it and I couldn't help but cuddle in my blankets and cry. I just felt so insecure. And then I thought some more about my friends and what not. I was...just wowed at how detached I felt. I talked to Alex for a little bit, he always seems to make me feel better. Just by being him. =] But I also realized that no one else knows or has really talked to me about how I've been doing or just to see whats up. Sure, some have said Hi on occasion, but no one that I'm comfortable speaking these things with. [Aside from, lately, Joe] It makes me wonder where everyone has gone, or is it me that has hidden? And it's just weird that I'm talking with a guy that doesn't even really know me. Like has hung out with me and what nots. (No offense. =P) But, he's the one that, I guess, has been there for me since I've wanted to quit IB and I'm uber glad I've met him -- but Seriously, I felt like no one else was really even interested and I was just like 'whatever, they're off doing their own thing'. I don't know, idk what I'm even doing right now. I just wish I had that comfort of being able to call someone at 4 in the morning because I had a bad dream or just couldn't sleep. I miss that security, even though I rarely had the need to call. It's one of those twisted games my mind plays on me. It's not even that, but I think that's the simplest way to put things. And lately, I've been listening to others with their problems, and trying to reassure them, even though I'm the one who needs some reassuring. Sigh;; a little over a month, and it's back to school. It'll be that day yet again before we know it, and I'll be procrastinating to do my work. At least I know what I need to do and I've already started. I just wish, oh I just wish to just be a tad bit more 'normal' and not stuck in this stupid hole. As for you, you strange reader. Don't feel sorry for me, I don't need pity. I just need someone who truly cares and who I can do the same. I'm not looking for another relationship for a while. I don't need that, I need to be me. But that won't stop me from hanging out ;D. lmao. Anyways, I've been looking at a few colleges. I really like the feel of Rollins, and I want to find a college that is similar to that but with my major. Right now, I'm leaning away from UCF. I started looking at UM and still creating a list of places I want to visit. Sigh;; Things need to be done. (Especially my pictures!) I was going to do them today, I swear, I just..got discouraged. By the end of this, I don't even know what I wrote and I probably said something wrong, but whatever. I just hope things work out for everyone, and me as well. I commend u for reading this, and I'm very curious as to why you even would. =P Oh, and favorite/most missed memory: Spending time after school at the library and McDonalds with just you guys. [Hey look! two secret messages in this one!] -- [Now there's three!] I don't know, I'm just messing around lol.Picture for today: Clydesdale.
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